My Reasons Why

reasons why

Nominated for this by Cactus Matt of Anime Q and A. The rules are simple enough, I suppose.

List 13 reasons why you keep going. I don’t really have 13 reasons that I can readily acknowledge off the top of my head here. Yeah, I could think of some things that motivate me nowadays, but instead, Ima tell y’all a little story.

Some time ago, ya boi Derek was standing at the edge of a cliff. In fact, it was this cliff.


See, Derek realized that he could actually “fall” off the edge of this cliff (or any of the others nearby, really,) and die, and no one would consider it suspicious because it happens at least a couple times each year when people get too close either running, climbing, biking, or even just trying to take pictures.

Derek didn’t have the highest morale at the time. He knew that others had more difficult situations they were dealing or had dealt with, but that didn’t necessarily make his any easier. He was good at supporting others, but no so much at supporting himself. He didn’t want to bring shame upon himself or his family by doing something obviously suicidal, but accidents, while still tragic, are a more socially acceptable way to die.

Derek made a deal with himself as he walked the path that led to the cliffside. He agreed that this would be a “now or never moment”. This is to say that he would either walk off the edge, or he wouldn’t; if he didn’t, he would never consider doing so again.

So there he stood—at the edge of oblivion. I couldn’t tell you how long it actually was for, but he pondered life for quite some time. Needless to say, he decided to walk away.

He did so because 1) he couldn’t find a way to justify knowingly inflicting pain and sorrow upon those who had invested time, money, and effort into him. Sure, he didn’t ask to be brought into the world, but nonetheless he became a large part of his family’s hopes and dreams.

Maybe it would have been enough to just live for the sake of others around him, but just to make sure, Derek decided it was best to have other goals to keep himself busy.

There’s obviously a lot more plot and character development to that story, but for the sake of time, let’s flash forward to current day Derek.

While using anime primarily as a form of entertainment and escapism, I’ve come to another realization. 2) I must try as hard as possible to not die—in any way or for any reason—simply because there is just wayyy too much anime that I haven’t seen yet. I have a list of close to 60 series right now, and it’s always expanding because there are SO MANY shows that I want to see, and so many more that keep coming out. 3) I’m also thrilled to finally be engaging in regular conversation about anime, and sometimes even other things like social theory and philosophy. This blogging thing is awesome. I get to discuss anime basically every day with people who are equally as passionate, and that’s pretty cool.

In this regard, anime is life. I intend to keep working on this list of shows until I am physically unable to do so, bruh, and when that time comes, all I will ask is that they bury me with my collection.

I’m supposed to nominate 10 other people now, but tbh I only have like 20 followers, and I’m pretty sure the ones who are active anibloggers have already taken part in this, or at least been nominated to do so.

Instead, I’ll share this link to the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

At the end of the day, it’s about what you personally find enjoyable, and what motivates you to keep ticking. If you’re struggling to figure that out, it’s okay to ask for help. Here you can find 24/7 crisis hotline as well as information about suicide prevention.

4 thoughts on “My Reasons Why

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this story. I’m so happy that you made the choice to walk away and keep living. Sometimes that is the hardest path to take. Thank you also for sharing the link and having the courage to post your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WeeaBroDerek

      I talk about that sort of stuff wayyy more openly now than I used to. I think part of the problem might be that people don’t discuss their mental health problems/histories enough, and that others dont really listen when they do.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true, I have also become a lot more open and blogging is part of what helped me be honest about my own mental health. If what I have to say will help anyone I never have time to feel ashamed anymore.

        Liked by 1 person

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